Nellie Chronicles Part 18

"Sailor Cat For Life"

Transcribed for Nellie by the Old One

Well folks, I just can’t do it.  Last night it blew like hell, the rig was shaking and the anchor rode was as tight as one of the old ones guitar strings.  I realized that Mom & Dad really rely on me to keep watch at night.  I guess you could say I earn my kibbles.  I also spend a lot of my time comforting them when they get scared on those long passages.  It will be better now that the boat doesn’t leak and the engine runs.  That old guy did some good things on his visit.

And you know folks I’m going to miss the old “geezer”.  I really did like listening to his music.  He’s pretty good on the guitar and he loves an audience.  I even sort of purred once when he was petting me, but maybe I should just keep that little secret to myself.

Well, enough about him…. I’ve been having a great time here on Cat Island.  I just had quite a chuckle thinking about the “old one” opening his bag when he gets home and finding my unused getaway stash of kibbles.  Well till next time dear readers, this is Nelly on the “Tanqueray” for the long haul.

The old one

Nellie Chronicles Part 17

"I Plan My Escape From the Sailing Life"

Transcribed for Nellie by the Old One

As most of you know I am not overly fond of passages.  I don’t care for seafood, and I detest the sanitation situation aboard this vessel.  In fact, truth be known, I am not all that happy with boat life.  In consequence of these considerations I have begun to devise a scheme that may allow me to return immediately to my native northwest roots.

The Old One is making plans to head out.  I have heard him on the phone and I have watched him begin to organize his bags.  It is definite, within a few days he is out of here and I have to say I will be a little sorry to see him go.  We are nearly on friendly terms.  I have worked hard to train him and it has paid off.

So kind reader, I ask you, would it be wrong of me to take advantage of his kindness and my hard work.  I think not, and that is why I have come up with a scheme to escape my incarceration on this vessel.

He has a large roll on bag.  He brought a ton of gear down here for Mom and Dad so he’s going back light.  If I can find a way to stash some kibbles in there and hide myself amongst the debris, I could be home in a few days.  I’d have to dodge the customs the customs man of course, but I think it’s doable.  Hmmmm… there are many obstacles but there are also many possibilities.

Hi, I’m back, the others are ashore and I took the opportunity to explore the Old Ones luggage.  He’s a bit simple, closing his door to keep me out of his room, but leaving the cat door, aka porthole, open right from the cockpit to his bunk.

Anyway there’s plenty of room in that big bag of his and I’ve already stashed two days worth of kibbles under his salty old clothes.  I’m ready!  Another day or two and I’m out of here.

He’s really gotten sweet on me, so even if I get caught going through the border I’m sure he’ll bail me out.

My plan is to stowaway back to Port Townsend and then make my way to Aunt Susie’s house.  I’m sure she’ll take me in.  She’s always had a thing for me.

Well everyone wish me luck this will be quite a scam if I can pull it off.  

Nellie Chronicles Part 16

“The Old One Returns”

Transcribed for Nellie by Daubie the older

Well a lot has happened since my scribe last documented events.  We have done quite a lot of sailing and none of it very comfortable I might add.

I guess I confessed during my last episode that I have been “making up” with the old one.  It started with some innocent petting.  He is also somewhat nocturnal and I have had fun playing the dodger game with him.  I found that he would play longer with me if I didn’t bite him so hard.  This activity led to the petting, but I have stopped well short of purring.  A girl has her limits.

The other good thing he does is feed me.  He always notices when I am lying on the floor staring at my bowl and he seems to know that it means something.  He’s been pretty attentive to my needs and I guess I’ve been appreciating it.

So yesterday we took off from Samana Cay.  I have to tell you, that place isn’t even on the map.  Mom and Dad didn’t even take me ashore there and I’m pretty sure it’s because the locals will eat whatever comes their way.  This one Rastifarian guy kept coming by the boat and I’m pretty sure he thought I’d be good “Souse”, that’s a kind of Bahamian stew. 

Samana Cay

So anyway, as I was saying, we took off from Samana Cay and all the humans seemed a little tense which always puts me on edge, plus they kept shoving me down below so I was sure something was up.  The next thing I know we’re flying through the air on some giant combers that are breaking on the reefs all around us.  We’re going through a tiny channel and my people are shouting, “ ‘dog leg’ left, ‘dog leg’ right.”  Now not only do I have to worry about breaking waves and getting washed overboard and drowned or castaway on a beach where they turn kitties into “souse”, but it seems like there’s a pack of dogs out there that my people keep dodging.  I was freaked.

Anyway about sunset we’re still out there climbing watery mountains and surfing down the other side, but I figure it will be over pretty soon cause we always stop at the end of the day and drop the anchor.

Well not this time!  They just forgot to pull over and now it’s dark.  They don’t want me outside and everything in the damn boat is moving around.  Finally the old one comes down below, fills my bowl and lies down on the big bed in the living room.  I like it when they make up the big bed cause I can go underneath it and hang out without being disturbed and attack people’s feet.  So as I was saying, the old one crashed out on the big bed and since I was feeling a little scared and lonely, what with being cooped up all day, I jumped up on the bed and curled up with him.  It was pretty nice he made a little space for me and petted me and I let him.

A little later he went outside and Mom and Dad came below and it went on like that all night.  So I just cozied up with whoever was in the big bed.

But I was a little stressed over when it would all end.  Finally about 0900 they dropped that anchor thing on the front of the boat, pardon me the bow and here we are at “Cat Island”.  Now that’s got a promising ring to it.  I think I’m going to like this place.

Nelly Chronicles – Part 15

“The Old One Returns”
Narrated by “Daubie” Jim Daubenberger in the voice of Nelly the cat

Well folks it appears the rumors were true, the Old One has returned.  Just one week after my fun uncle Hans left, the Old One showed up at our doorstep again.  He was coughing and wheezing and all pale, like death warmed over.  He brought Mom and Dad all kinds of presents and they oohed and aahed over him and fed him some of their nasty fish, but he didn’t bring me anything.

I pouted about that for a couple of days, but he just keeps being nice to me.  So the other night, I was a little bit lonely and couldn’t sleep anyway, when he came out on deck, I let him pet me a ½ dozen times without snapping at him once.  Then we played the dodger game for awhile and it was fun…I was even a little disappointed when he went back to bed.  The next morning before anyone was up I discovered to my dismay that my food dish was empty.  I heard the Old One stirring so I went part way into his room and when I got his attention I went back out and stood by my food bowl.  He is so dense.  I did it about six times and he never got it.  Then Mom got up and fed me and he figured out the system.  Since then he’s been giving me my rations when he notices my bowl is empty.  Perhaps I can train him.

We went on another one of those long passages the other day and my people caught three fish.  One was a real monster, but I’ll let dad tell about that cause he was so excited about it.  To you my loyal fan base that don’t usually waste your time on the people stories, let me recommend Monsters of the Sea and check the fish pictures cause Dad and Mom are really worked up over this fish stuff.  It’s about all they can talk about anymore.  

Till next time, this is Nelly, chief feline on board the “Tanqueray”, signing off.

Nelly Chronicles Part 14

Uncle Hans

Written by Mike “Daubie” Daubenberger in the voice of Nelly the cat

I may have neglected to mention that the month of February was filled with a visit from uncle Hans, due to all the excitement, getting lost, swimming, etc.  Hans and I have a sorted past.  I even lived with him for a couple of weeks while my people enjoyed their honeymoon in Panama.  No cats allowed!

Living with Hans started out great.  I would spend my days outside chasing birds in the woods and hanging with the neighborhood cats.  No rules!  When Hans would return from work, we would relax on the couch and enjoy a few TV episodes before heading off to bed.  The foot of the bed for me.  Life was good.  Shortly into the visit Hans started coughing and pronounced that he was allergic to cats.  I was seldom allowed to touch him and I was certainly not allowed in his room.

Living on the boat with him is much the same except now he calls me smelly Nelly!!  Smelly Nelly, can you believe it coming from a sailor.  I don’t like to complain, but sailors aren’t exactly zest fully clean.  As for myself, I clean myself daily for 8 hours minimum.  The average Human spends 15 minutes in the shower and wastes 30 gallons of water.  I LICK. 

Life with Hans on the boat is not all bad, though.  He plays with me.  Lots!  We play the scarf game.  It’s like redlight, greenlight.  Hans whips the scarf around and I attack.  Then he wraps me up in it and I freeze.  It’s a pretty fun game except when I’m left frozen for extended periods.  Also his room is off limits so it adds to the excitement of the sneaking in and exploring his stuff.  I love to go to the off limit spaces.  It’s been a pretty exciting run having Hans aboard.  I hear the old one is coming to visit next.  I hope he remembers to bring his tube of Neosporin.     

The Nelly Chronicles Part 13

Lost at Flamingo Island

Written by Mike “Daubie” Daubenberger in the voice of Nelly the cat

I must start out by saying my bathroom situation sure has improved these last few weeks.  My people have instituted a new policy.  Each morning when they go to the beach to do their daily exercises, they take me along for some shore leave.  I take full advantage of it and use the worlds biggest kitty litter box, the beach.  The beach is a far cry from my cramped little litter box with pine pellets.  The beach offers pristine white sands so deep you could never dig to the bottom.  The air is always fresh and my hole is always in a new spot.  As my people have grown more accustomed to having me ashore, they have begun to give me more liberty.  We go on walks.  Yes, walks around the islands.  My people lead and I follow.  It’s been great I get a little fresh air and some exercise to melt away the ounces, my people get to pretend I’m a dog. 

The walks went a little too far a Flamingo cay.  The first day we went to the beach and walked over two miles, the next day we hiked up to the light beacon and then later in the day my people took me on a trek to the north beach.   I protested.  I sat my but down on the sand under a tree and waited as they wandered into the bushes.  I expected them to be gone ten or fifteen minutes.  At one hour I got worried.  Had they ditched me?  Were they coming back?  I better go find them.  So off into the woods I went searching.  They were nowhere to be found and I was getting hot, disoriented, full of burrs, and my paws were hurting.  Walking on all this hard coral can do a number on your pads.  I wish my people had gotten me some kitten mittens before we left.  Back to the story.  I continued to search and about when I was ready to give up, I heard them calling my name.  Nelly!! Nelly!!  I had five people calling my name from five different locations.  I couldn’t tell which direction to go so I let out a few meows.  No response.  I continued.  No response.  Ten minutes later I heard Mike respond to one of my calls for help and he raced to my aid. 

I was scooped up and we were heading back, but I hurt.  My belly hurt because of the burrs and a prickly pear thorn.  My pads hurt because of the coral, so I let it be known.  On hearing my cries, Mike set me down on the path.  This hurt even more on account of the torn pads.  So I limped around a little and was again scooped up.  At this point I knew my people were feeling bad.  Nobody likes to get lost and injured, but it’s hard to complain when your day ends lounging around the boat with a big can of tuna!!   

Nelly Chronicles Part 12

Suicide at Pipe Creek

Written by Mike “Daubie” Daubenberger in the voice of Nelly the cat

My people can’t read the signs!  Time to give them a scare.  We had just moved anchorages after the boys (Hans and Mike) returned home with a feast, a human feast that is, 8 conchs and a grouper.  Yuk!  Not ten minutes after we had arrived my people loaded into the dinghy and headed to shore.  Did they ask if I wanted to come?  No!  Did they offer me a treat?  No!  I can’t have them dashing of like this; I get no attention anymore.  It was apparent they needed a lesson. 

Since my last swim in Nassau, I assumed they had installed a cat ladder for cat swimming exercises.  Boy was I wrong!  Where we were anchored there was a lot of current so I jumped off from the bow and enjoyed a lazy Susan float down to the stern.  That’s when things went all wrong; there was no cat ladder just a shiny stainless steel human ladder.  I latched on with all four claws and tried to get a grip but my claws would not sink in.  I had heard stories of cats getting “Supercat” strength in life and death situations.  I was able to climb the swim ladder and launch myself onto the back of the boat.  A little suicide scare quickly turned into a near death experience. 

Sara arrived back at the boat just in time to see me all wet and disheveled and I think I made an impression!!  She coddled me and rinsed me off with a big jug of precious warm water.  My first bath!!  All night I was treated to the whispers of my people.  “Can you believe Nelly fell in?  Thank God she got back onboard, it would have been so sad if we lost her.  We need to get the cat ladder installed before we lose a family member. “     Guess I won’t be trying that stunt again!

Nelly Chronicles Part 11

Exuma Life

Written by Mike “Daubie” Daubenberger in the voice of Nelly the cat

The 27^th of December, the weather was right and it was time to leave Nassau for the adventures of Exuma life.  I had heard lots about the Exuma Islands from my people and was particularly excited to visit Allan’s Cay, our first stop in the Exumas.  It has Iguana’s.  I couldn’t wait to see the little lizards. 

Well, the sails were set and we started heading southeast under a light breeze.  I was situated in my favorite spot, in the stack pack, the sail cover for the main but two hours into the trip the breeze came up.  I dashed into my hideout under the dodger as my people shortened the canvas and we raced down to the Exumas.  It seemed as if we had hardly left and we were approaching the destination fast.  35 nautical miles away!!  Sailing 8 knots on a beam reach with a 25 knot breeze.  What a trip!  My crew sure can sail.

By two o’clock we had arrived and dropped the hook.  Mike and Sara were getting prepared to head to the beach and without me!  I gave them a quick meow to let them know I wanted to come and Mike just laughed.  Apparently pets aren’t allowed on account of the lizards.  I love lizards!  They remind me of dinosaurs and my ancestors, the Saber Tooth Tiger. 

The Exumas have been like that so far, a big disappointment.  Sure the islands and the crystal clear waters are beautiful but do I ever get to enjoy them? No!!  No swimming, no beach walks, no fun.  I just eat, sleep, and mope around.  I think I might be getting fat.  I hope my people can read the signs of depression.

Nelly Chronicles Part 10

Three Things I Love About The Bahamas

In the voice of Nelly by Mike "Daubie" Daubenberger

Soo much for a cat to love about the Bahamas but these are the three things I love the most.

1.  The Water!! After months of wandering through the inter-coastal waterway I finally have something to look at other than the open sky.  Don't get me wrong I love birds and fantasizing about the many ways to kill them but I do like a change in scenery and the birds seldom land on the boat.  They are a little of a tease.  The water!  You can see down, deep down into the water!  There's fish down there, dolphin, lobsters, conch, and more.  A cat can spend all day looking down into the depths daydreaming of what it would be like to be a diving cat.  Yes, a diving cat with tank and mask and BCD, chasing fish and attacking squid.  Not for food but for sport!!

2.  The Fish!!  As I stated before, not for eating of course.  I don't like fish unless its canned solid white albacore.  No thanks to this raw fish that my people keep trying to stick in my bowl.  Each time I have to pull it out and lay it on the floor so there's no cross contamination with my delicious kibbles, Purina of course.  I'm not sure if they will ever learn.  Maybe next time I'll try tucking it under one of their pillows.  That will show them!!  No, I love the fish because it's always a different sea monster brought up on the boat.  I never even knew these creatures existed and now I'm learning their names and how to identify them.  It's a lot of fun!!  I just wish my people would let me take a look at their fish book, "The Florida Sportfishing Guide".  Most of all I love the smiles and the look in my peoples eyes when they haul one aboard.  What can I say, I'm a sucker for a human smile!!

3.  The Beaches!!  The beaches or should I say litter boxes here are beautiful.  Every kitties dream!!  Fine white sand beaches deeper than a kitty could ever dig!!  I had heard tales about these beaches but never believed they were true.  The first time my people took me to the beach I hopped out and started digging.  6 inches, a foot, no bottom in sight, time to do my business!  Another hole for number 2.  I buried them so deep no one will ever find them.  Not even a pirate looking for his gold.  Did I say I love the beaches!!!

Nelly Chronicles Part 9

Nelly Chronicles

By The voice of Nelly narrated by Mike "Daubie" Daubenberger

Miami!!!  We have arrived.  Well, my people have arrived.  I've been stuck on the boat ever since we got here until just now.  My first thoughts were, Yes, finally a chance to get ashore and strut my stuff on south beach.  Little did I know my trip would be confined to a cage and doctor visit.  I didn't even get to visit the shopping mecca that is Lincoln Road!!  Well I had been hearing complaints from my owners all day about the cost of my existence.  First it was the vet visit in Port Townsend $60 then it was the new carrying cage and medications $100.  Did I mention the medication gives me the runs!!  Next it was the importation permit for the Bahamas $10 plus postage.  Well maybe my people should have mailed it a little sooner so it would get there in time.  Anyone who knows anything about the Bahamas know that the mail is slow.  A month and a half is not nearly long enough to get mail the 600 miles from Charleston to the Bahamas!!  Well what did they have to do today?  They had to Fedex another copy of the documents to the Bahamas with a $15 money order.  How much did it take to mail this single piece of paper?  55 dollars!!  I don't think they were ready for that.  Next they had to fax the documentation to the same place in order to get the permit before our Saturday departure.  Saturday departure to the Bahamas.  YES!!   Another $10.  This brings me to the doctor visit.  The straw that almost broke the camels back.  Yes, another doctor visit.  Well I'm not sure what your visits to the doctor are like but mine start by having a huge probe shoved up my butt.  NOT COOL!!  Next they grab my insides through my fur to make sure nothing is wrong.  What like I'm not going to complain.  You're tying my intestines in knots.  Lastly they stick a couple huge needles in my hind quarters.  Not fun.  And what do I get from my parents?  Pity? No.  Complaints?  Yes.  They complain about paying $155 for the torture treatment that they just put me through.  Well I can tell you they were getting a deal!  The US government spends way more money torturing people at Guantanamo.  Yes complaints.  They start off by calling me the most expensive cat in the world then they start coming up with ways for me to pay off my debt.  Cuddling up to them in the morning is worth $2, acting cute $1,  using the screen in the litter box $3, spraying litter on the boat $-1.  Then they start laughing that the debt is too big and I will never pay it off.  They don't know how cute I can be!!!

Nelly Chronicles Part 8

Nelly Chronicles
By The voice of Nelly narrated by Mike "Daubie" Daubenberger

Well, its been a while since the old one left and I must admit I've gotten lost in the siblimity of it all. I went in to this trip with a goal of weekly journal entries, I guess you lose focus when your on vacation.

Since my last entry I can list three events of note that have occurred. First my people finally came back with a bathroom fit for a princess. I wondered if they would ever get my point. Who would think that I would have to use the facilities twice in their bedroom before they got my point. These people!! I digress, as for the new litter box, it is perfect, beige my favorite color, deep with lid and door and an air filtration system. Who would buy a litter box without a filtration system?  Can you believe it took them three tries?  They finally got it right.

Second we celebrated Thanksgiving on the boat or at least my people celebrated thanksgiving on the boat.  They cooked a feast including turkey, green beans, acorn squash, mashed potatoes, bellini's, and more.  Well what do you think they cooked me? Nothing!  Not a can of tuna, not a can of cat food, just a cold bowl of kibbles.  These people!  Did they think the pilgrims came to America without pet companionship.  Well if my history serves me correct and I believe it does, the pilgrims did come with cats and what did they get those cats for thanksgiving?  Live winged birds!  Can you believe it live winged birds!!  Now thats a feast!! First you get to play and then you get to dine.  Those were the days!!

Third we finally made it to Fort Lauderdale!!  I had really been looking forward to seeing the sights in Fort L.  The beaches, the huge houses, the canals, the bronzed tom cats, and of course the parade of boats light show.  Well as we entered the city I think my people got a little excited as well.  They completely forgot to check the log to see how much fuel we had left.  Well I had been keeping track and and for the last 30 minutes I had been trying to warn them to no avail.  I would nudge, meow, stand on the fuel filling hole but what would they say?  I think Nelly needs to go to the bathroom, is the door open , or I think Nelly is hungry, does she have any food?  Well I did everything I could short of filling the tank up myself but they never got the point.  When the thing sputtered to a stop, did they figure it out? No, Mike said they couldn't be out of gas, that they should have at least 5 gallons left.  5 gallons!! Who was he kidding?  He didn't even know where we had filled up last, Saint Augustine,  he thought we had filled up in Titusville, 150 miles down the road.  I hope the the wind keeps blowing because if we're going to depend on the motor and my people's mechanical abilities, we will surely be lost.

Well that updates the trip to date.  Wishing for sailing until next time.....

Nelly Chronicles Part 6 & 7

Nelly Chronicles Part 6 & 7
By "Daubie" Jim Daubenberger

At last I have a plan. I can't believe it has taken me so long, but finally I know how to get rid of the old one. Today while I was performing my mid morning meditation it suddenly came to me. I will use my "Cat Powers" to drive him from the boat. Every time he gets comfortable I will lay down across from him and give him the evil eye. It has worked for eons for my predessessors. No human can withstand for long the "cat eye". He will fold in no time, I predict. There will be no respite. Here he comes, I begin immediately.

Part 7
Well, I've done it at last, the evil old one has packed his bags and I have complete access to the back of the boat. I think I'll move in back there as soon as the stench of him is gone. His blankets are pretty comfortable, the best part is that I can sneak back where none can find me and if they leave the locker door open, I can escape to the outside.

Well, thank the great cat for smallis favors. The old one is out the door, but this has been the most miserable two days of the whole cruise. We have been safe and sound at the dock since yesterday morning and I have been locked away down below the whole time. My people have been off galavanting, they come back full of laughter and sunshine and I have spent my whole day, the sunset feeding time and the morning sunrise sitting on the top step with my nose pressed tight against the laxau watching those miserable, shiny black grackles land right in my cockpit and strut about as if they owned the place. I'm going crazy I have to get out there. I'm going to have grackle fricasse if I can just sneak past my guards.

There's also some big yachts out there that need exploring. And there's the rub. I think my people thinkk that the people on those yachts don't want me there. Or maybe they're just jealouse cause I can get on those big yachts and hang out. I'll bet some of those big yacht people would like a cat. They've got plenty of room for a big litter box - hmmm. Maybe I should move up,, wonder if I should go power or sail.

The Nelly Chronicles Part 5

The Nelly Chronicles Part 5
By "Daubie" Jim Daubenberger

These people are just not that easy to train. How many times do you think I'll have to crap on their bed before they learn to provide me full access to a clean litter box? I mean really how hard is it. They thought I would be satisfied to poop on a screen poised above the litter and I have to say I tried the arrangement and found it completely unsatisfactory. Then it got really stormy and the door to the room they call a "head", what's that all about, and locked me out of the litter box again. When a girls got the runs she needs access. Well, I jumped up into the forepeak, but before I could bury the evidence in that damn quilt I got busted. Everybody threw a fit of course, and I had to have a time out outside which was just fine with Me. So now we're stuck out in the anchorage with howling norther making waves against the current. It's a little rough this morning. I had to pee really bad and I let them know. I also refused to use that screen contraption they're so fond of. Finally they took it out and hallalooya, put my box out in the cockpit. Finally I'm getting them trained a little.

Rumor has it that the old gieser is leaving tomorrow. Well there's some good news. I'll have Mom & Dad all to myself. I vever trusted that old guy he was too weird. He was always giving my parents advise about cat related things. I think he's the one that suggested putting the screen in my litter box. Hell that's the only dirt on the whole damn boat and they cover it up with a screen just to make their lives a little easier. Well, I showed them, I turned their whole bedroom into a litter box.

It's a constant battle training these humans. First I become little miss b*@!*, then when they do what I want, I cozy up to them and purr a little. They'll get it eventually, just a little more training. It's exhausting work, but what else do I have to do, I'm a cat.

Nelly Chronicles Part 3 & 4

Nelly Chronicles Part 3 & 4
by "Daubie" Jim Daubenberger

I need to go back and straighten out a little detail that I'm quite sure will be misinterpreted if others tell the tail. My people have been putting a lid on my "box" when they don't think I'll be needing it. If they're put off by it...just think how I feel. Anyway, the other night Mike put it in their "poopy bathroom" and closed the door, then he went to bed. The old guy, to his credit, suggested I might need to use it, but Mike said no problem, I could hold it for 12 hours.

Well, about 3am I had to go, I mean bad, so I went up forward and tried to wake my people. NOTHING. I pawed at Sara, I was getting frantic, finally I couldn't hold it any longer. While I was burying it in her blanket she woke up and told Mike I needed the "litter box". (Too late babe). He got up and set it up but the deed was done, or should I say the "peed" was done.

So they threw all thier bedding in the "cock pit" (still haven't seen that rooster) and moved into the bunk in the salon.

The old guy woke up an hour later, guess he had to pee too, and gave them one of his blankets, and that's why I got shore leave, cause they needed to do laundry.

Part 4
Okay, I've had it now!! Just when I was getting the hang of it and starting to feel ok about the the whole motor thing and the no land thing and the litter box that moves around and gets a lid on it half the time, just as I was beginning to get comfortable. They get up this morning, almost before daylight, clammer around banging about making all kinds of racket, start that infernal machine, which I have to tell you every damn time it starts I have to take a serious shit, and off we go again!

When I look out, I see that those other boats are all going down the channel we were in yesterday, but my people are going the other way. I try to point this out but they just laugh like they always do...isn't Nelly amusing. How condescending, and all the while the Idiots are going the wrong way.

Suddenly, the boat is moving very strangely. It's trying to fly, I think, and there's no land in front of us. This is not funny!! An hour later I can't see land anywhere, the lid is on my box cause, I took a big dump...and frankly I'm a little nervous. I think I'll eat something. I want to lay down but everything is moving. I have had it with this program. I should have stayed at home with Susy, she understands me.

The Nelly Chronicles Part 2

The Nelly Chronicles Part 2
by "Daubie" Jim Daubenberger

Freedom at last!!! We have pulled into a dock at Southern South Carolina and finally I am granted shore leave. Since moving aboard this boat I have been watched every minute. They report on my every move to each other, where I'm at, where my hiding places are, even, can you believe it the quantity and quality of my bowel movements. "Nelly took a dump!" one will shout. "Good solid logs." How disgusting.

So we pull into this dock and pretty quickly they cut me some slack and I'm on semi solid footing. I don't want them hassling me so I just stay pretty close for awhile. Then Mike & Sara go off to do laundry or some other boring chore and the old guy is the only one around and he's not paying any attention. So I'm outta here, down the dock stretching it out.

So much to see, so much to do, and so many birds to kill. I can't decide what to do first. Think I'll hop on this boat and check it out. After an hour or so of exploring and a couple near misses (I am so close to nailing this one little seabird that thinks he's a protected pet of our neighbor boat) I hear the old fart calling my name, so I duck into a big old boat and hide till he goes by. I can hear a little worry in his voice. It's so satisfying. He'd be in deep do do if I disappeared on his watch.

After a couple hours it doesn't seem like anyones looking for me anymore, guess I better go back and remind them of my exi1stence. Two whole days tied to the dock and I only got locked in the cabin a few times. Heaven! Maybe this cruising thing will be okay.

The Nelly Chronicles Part 1

Chapter  1

by "Daubie" Jim Daubenberger

It’s about time someone set the record straight.  For some months now I have been hearing rumors about a big trip, well you know I am all about trips.  I just love to ride the dash on the freeway obscuring the speedometer and taking swipes at anybody that tried to shoo me away.  Speeding along next to other cars, cars without cat friends, and then arriving at new places for exploration.  So when a trip was proposed I was all over it. 

Well, the next thing I know my people are stuffing me into a “cat cage” that some nasty feline had previously occupied.  I mean really!  Would you want to check into some sleazy motel and find previously used sheets on the bed, smelling of god knows what kind of activities. 

Of course I tossed a fit.  Finally they got me a new cage and that was a bit better.  Then they fed me some rather rich food and while I enjoyed it greatly, it did seem to have a detrimental effect on my bowels.

After stopovers at several boring places I found myself in some miniature space with big bunch of humans.  They all seemed to be related.  The littlest one seemed to think I was some kind of relative myself and kept chasing me around trying to touch me.  Well, I fixed her!  She reached her dirty little paw out one too many times so I gave her a good nip. What a wimp, she wen off crying to that old lady with the nice garden where I stayed once.

I got a little scolding from her but what the heck!  Anyway, next day everybody left and finally they let me go outside.  It was weird no trees or grass and the little house thing we’re in is surrounded by water and jumps around all the time like there’s an earthquake.

The next day my people scurried around and suddenly the whole house shook and rattled.  I dove under some blankets and hid.  Then it started moving, then it stopped, then the people were pumping, stuffing and pumping stuff out and the whole damn boat was jumping around.  Oh did I mention, I figured out that I wasn’t in a weird house, this was a “boat”.  A kind of thing that floats on the water.

Suddenly the engine began roaring again.  I wanted to hide but, oh my that rich food, I really need my litter box.  I NEED IT NOW!!

Finally after I get Sara’s attention he comes back and sets it out in the “cock pit”.  I have to tell you I’m scared as hell.  The boat is jumping around and I know there must be a big must be a big rooster hiding somewhere in that “cock-pit”.  Anyway, I make it to the box, barely, and just as I squirt liquid fire the damn boat rolls, I lose my balance and make a mess of the box, the boat and myself.  How EMBAR-ASSING!

Mike has to cleanup while the other two laugh.  I am disgusted.  I went below to clean myself, which only caused them to make foolish faces and laugh more.  I’m definitely going to get even especially with that old one.

Traveling with a Feline

Nelly - that's our cat, cuddly, soft, friendly, and cute.  Well, that's what we thought until we took her into the vet to get her rabies shots before our trip to the Bahamas.  Yes, we are taking our cat on the boat - which may or may not be a good idea.  We'll find out!  So back to the vets office, she completely morphed from her sweet docile self into a wild animal looking for blood, which she did get by the way.

Our first mistake was trying to cram her into a friends travel case, which was obviously used and smelled of cat.  She hissed, scratched and bit as we unsympathetically tried to cram her into this cage with no avail.  Second mistake was bringing this same cage into the vet with us where she began her transition into an evil blankety blank.  We received a 20 minute lecture from the vet on how cats are just animals and not always adaptable to change and that it was not a good idea to bring her on the boat with us, let alone travel on the plane with her. He told us that even tranquilizers were not recommend.  Alcohol was the analogy used for the affect of tranquilizers on a cat, you never know what your gonna get.  Sometimes you get a fun drunk, other times you get a crazy mean drunk.  No buddy wants a crazy mean cat. They're sharp!!! - not a good vision after seeing her held down today in two fish nets with the vet wearing falconry gloves. We opted out of the tranquilizers.

So, what did we do?  We informed him that we were flying out at 6am the next morning and had no choice but to take her along.  This is how we survived the trip, if you ever run into this problem yourself:

Step1: Buy a brand new cage
Step 2: Spend $50 on herbal cat anxiety remedies
Step 3: Feed your cat tuna in the cage

Amazingly, this worked and she turned back into her happy self and slept the whole trip to Asheville, North Carolina.

Lesson of the day: Never try to stick a cat in a used travel carrier!!!