by "Daubie" Jim Daubenberger
It’s about time someone set the record straight. For some months now I have been hearing rumors about a big trip, well you know I am all about trips. I just love to ride the dash on the freeway obscuring the speedometer and taking swipes at anybody that tried to shoo me away. Speeding along next to other cars, cars without cat friends, and then arriving at new places for exploration. So when a trip was proposed I was all over it.
Well, the next thing I know my people are stuffing me into a “cat cage” that some nasty feline had previously occupied. I mean really! Would you want to check into some sleazy motel and find previously used sheets on the bed, smelling of god knows what kind of activities.
Of course I tossed a fit. Finally they got me a new cage and that was a bit better. Then they fed me some rather rich food and while I enjoyed it greatly, it did seem to have a detrimental effect on my bowels.
After stopovers at several boring places I found myself in some miniature space with big bunch of humans. They all seemed to be related. The littlest one seemed to think I was some kind of relative myself and kept chasing me around trying to touch me. Well, I fixed her! She reached her dirty little paw out one too many times so I gave her a good nip. What a wimp, she wen off crying to that old lady with the nice garden where I stayed once.
I got a little scolding from her but what the heck! Anyway, next day everybody left and finally they let me go outside. It was weird no trees or grass and the little house thing we’re in is surrounded by water and jumps around all the time like there’s an earthquake.
The next day my people scurried around and suddenly the whole house shook and rattled. I dove under some blankets and hid. Then it started moving, then it stopped, then the people were pumping, stuffing and pumping stuff out and the whole damn boat was jumping around. Oh did I mention, I figured out that I wasn’t in a weird house, this was a “boat”. A kind of thing that floats on the water.
Suddenly the engine began roaring again. I wanted to hide but, oh my that rich food, I really need my litter box. I NEED IT NOW!!
Finally after I get Sara’s attention he comes back and sets it out in the “cock pit”. I have to tell you I’m scared as hell. The boat is jumping around and I know there must be a big must be a big rooster hiding somewhere in that “cock-pit”. Anyway, I make it to the box, barely, and just as I squirt liquid fire the damn boat rolls, I lose my balance and make a mess of the box, the boat and myself. How EMBAR-ASSING!