Friday, December 30, 2011

Nelly Chronicles Part 9

Nelly Chronicles
By The voice of Nelly narrated by Mike "Daubie" Daubenberger

Miami!!!  We have arrived.  Well, my people have arrived.  I've been stuck on the boat ever since we got here until just now.  My first thoughts were, Yes, finally a chance to get ashore and strut my stuff on south beach.  Little did I know my trip would be confined to a cage and doctor visit.  I didn't even get to visit the shopping mecca that is Lincoln Road!!  Well I had been hearing complaints from my owners all day about the cost of my existence.  First it was the vet visit in Port Townsend $60 then it was the new carrying cage and medications $100.  Did I mention the medication gives me the runs!!  Next it was the importation permit for the Bahamas $10 plus postage.  Well maybe my people should have mailed it a little sooner so it would get there in time.  Anyone who knows anything about the Bahamas know that the mail is slow.  A month and a half is not nearly long enough to get mail the 600 miles from Charleston to the Bahamas!!  Well what did they have to do today?  They had to Fedex another copy of the documents to the Bahamas with a $15 money order.  How much did it take to mail this single piece of paper?  55 dollars!!  I don't think they were ready for that.  Next they had to fax the documentation to the same place in order to get the permit before our Saturday departure.  Saturday departure to the Bahamas.  YES!!   Another $10.  This brings me to the doctor visit.  The straw that almost broke the camels back.  Yes, another doctor visit.  Well I'm not sure what your visits to the doctor are like but mine start by having a huge probe shoved up my butt.  NOT COOL!!  Next they grab my insides through my fur to make sure nothing is wrong.  What like I'm not going to complain.  You're tying my intestines in knots.  Lastly they stick a couple huge needles in my hind quarters.  Not fun.  And what do I get from my parents?  Pity? No.  Complaints?  Yes.  They complain about paying $155 for the torture treatment that they just put me through.  Well I can tell you they were getting a deal!  The US government spends way more money torturing people at Guantanamo.  Yes complaints.  They start off by calling me the most expensive cat in the world then they start coming up with ways for me to pay off my debt.  Cuddling up to them in the morning is worth $2, acting cute $1,  using the screen in the litter box $3, spraying litter on the boat $-1.  Then they start laughing that the debt is too big and I will never pay it off.  They don't know how cute I can be!!!


  1. Aww Nelly! Think of the adventures you will be able to brag about when you get back to the North West! All the pain will be worth it.

  2. I, the old one, bow down. Best Nellie Chronicle yet. How the hell did you upload it from Allen Cay?